mid week, late afternoon
trying to wrap my head around my ph.d committee's feedback. four pages written thick. it is hard to return to this paper and revise. i am two hoops away from license to really dive into the dissertation.
there has been so many starts and stops. trying to listen to what the heart is saying and also to put the heart out of it, if that makes sense. to get down to business, trust my vision for this project, trust that i can find my way through these smouldering blogs, and thick oppressive air.
days i am at the non profit, engaging with the fourteen adolescent young women, reading their writing, sharing writing of my own and everyone from dionne brand to emily dickinson i feel my purpose and that i am enacting the work that i crave and that gives life meaning. this phd would just validate and make this official and allow many other doors to open. i have encountered many doors shutting in my face loudly, or so quietly i didn' t know that they shut until i stood before them.
i am trying to work my way through and not get stuck. i am leaving for toronto for a few days and upon my return have nine days before an official committee meeting. it makes me gulp. i haven't seen them in person since last jan. i will be thinking, writing, and feeling my way through until then putting both my heart and not my heart in it.
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